Rant?

Saying goodbye will never be easy.

The sting of being left behind will always hurt. 

And for some reason it hurts even more when you're left behind for a guy.

It's happened many times..

My best friend who I've been friends with for over 14 years..

Some friends along the way.

And now someone who I shared many laughs and tears with over this past year.

Just drops me.

Why are most girls ran by the fear of loosing a guy?

Why do they feel like they have to end great friendships just so they can spend more time with a guy? 

I'm guilty. I've done the same thing, but ruined my relationship with my family instead of friendships.

But over the years i've taken a step back.

And now I'm as back as I can go.

And I'm seriously clueless.

Why do guys run our minds?

I'm not saying this like "Eghhh I hate you males!"

I'm saying it like man oh man do some girls need to set their priorities straight. 

I know that God, Family and Friends are way more important to me than a relationship.

And I hope I never again brush off one of my family or friends for a guy.

So God, 

Help me to no longer judge people over this.

And help me to be  good friend, even if their chipping me off from them.

And please help me stay true to You. And not be overtaken by my feelings twords any guy in the future. Amen. 

I'm ready..

The past couple of days have been hard.

From my sister telling me I'm going to fail.

To my dad laughing in my face.

And saying that..

I'm.

Going.

To.

Fail.

At first it hurt. A lot.

Two people who I love just shoot me down and write me off as a failure.

Ouch.

But then I talked to my mom.

She mentioned something about how maybe God's testing me.

Seeing if I'm really willing to go out and live my life for Him.

Seeing if I'm ready to get hurt..over and over again. For His name.

And the more I think about it.

The more it makes sense. 

And the more I'm saying Yes God. Yes. 

I'm more than okay with not getting money..

More than okay with leaving all my personal things behind.

More than okay with maybe sometimes not having a place to lay my head. 

Because it's not about me.

It's not about my comfort zone. 

It's not about living the life people call "Luxurious."

Because to tell you the truth. 

If money buys pain and clothes that don't mean a thing.

If money takes over your mind and makes you a person you don't want to be.

Living for You God, will be all the money in the world.

Because for that one person who might be looking for an answer.

Or that one child who smiles brighter than the sun.

When they hear your name.

If one person is brought to You.

Then man oh man, bring on the Failure words.

Because I have you God, and I can get through the pain my family's words bring..Or that strangers bring.

But someone out there might be dying.

And they don't know You. 

So use me God.

In whatever You have planned for me.

Use me to call out Your name.

To anyone who might be lost.

Because it's not about me.

It's about You.

Call out to God..

I am completely torn.

Or confused.

Or both.

Mexico.

Australia.

Where is God needing me most?

Whats in His plans?

What's in His will?

Australia.

I don't feel peaceful when I think about it. I feel excited. Because hello, it's Australia. 

But Mexico...

I feel calm about Mexico.

Anxious, but calm.

Aussie-two months.

Mexico-one week.

Aussie- 5 grand.

Mexico-500.

throw the money out.

the time, the places.

where does God have me planned to go?

where do i have me planned to go?

I'm feeling Mexico.

i want Aussie.

i guess that answers my question..

but I'm still confused.

probably because I'm making myself.

So dear God.....I need your help!

I need your help realizing where to go!

Where do You have me planned to go?

Erm...

I guess I need some prayers for direction.

Thank you.